shared story – help needed!

From a reader who would love your advice. Please comment below if you think you can help!

 

Hello Friends,
I have two delicious children age 5 and 8 and a lovely stepdaughter age 12. Over the last 20 months, I lost three babies around the age of 6-weeks in utero. These losses have opened a yearning in me so acute, I feel I cannot breathe nor focus on anything other than a wish to
“try again.” I am ashamed at feeling such sadness amid such beauty, for of course, I love my family and feel blessed by it. At the same time, such yearning and grief have taken a hold of me, and I do not know how to approach the days with joy and exuberance. Behind my smile is pure bewilderment, underlined by a sense of loss and failure. Every month I cannot help my whole being thrum with hope to conceive the baby I lost. Over and over again, I surge upwards with hope, then crash with dismay once I know that, again, I have “failed.” Does this relentless cycle carry on forever? How have others managed to live while also praying for the “ultimate grace” of feeling a baby return to their body?

Any advice, I would love to hear from you…

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